I hate looking at my crappy grades on parentlink. -____________-
I feel like this will be the first semester to break my 4.0. My grades are terrible. I need to get things straightened out

I usually don't say this, but FML. I feel super uncomfortable & I need to study for my math test tomorrow. My cramps are so bad this time around that they are interfering with the things I need to do. I'm starting to worry that this will be a problem in the future as well.

Sometimes I wonder if people say yes to things because they want to, or if it's just because they don't want to be rude.

Man. Around the holiday season, I am such a fatty. LOL. It seems like this year, everything's kind-of crept up on me. Maybe it's because I've been busy, but I didn't even realize that Thanksgiving was next week until someone mentioned it. Sigh. I like being busy, but it's hard to keep up with everything.

You know you're busy when you think eating dinner takes too much time.. LOL. This week will be crazy.

Is it too late for me?

Maybe. But regardless, I will try my best. I want to prove you wrong. Most importantly, i want to do this for myself. I have never felt more motivated than I do now. I WILL work hard, & do the best that I can. Hopefully I won't give up, hahah. I wanto to believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. & if that's naive of me, then that's fine. I'll just have to find out for myself.

And seeing you today, made me realize that you don't have to great at absolutely everything you do. We all have our strengths & weaknesses. I don't think I've ever met someone like you. I admire you.

4-day weekend.

Ah. I don't really know how much of a "weekend" it was for me, but I DID get some time to relaz, hahah. Now I'm at home, typing up this post, with my AP Lang homework sitting in front of me. Of course, I have not done any homework yet. Typical me..

Blah. My piano competition is coming up in 2 weeks, and I am not prepared. Both my solo & duet need a lot of work, lol. My mom never fails to remind me that I am not nearly as talented as my competitors. However, I must admit, I am happy to even compete on the same level as them this year. & even though I have no chance of placing, just competing alongside such talented, young musicians is an accomplishment to me. So I will try my best these next two weeks, & that will be that. From this experience, I expect nothing but to come out of this a better pianist. That is all I wish.

You are everything I wish I could be. Watching you succeed motivates me & make me want to do better.

So stressed lately.

& you're not making it any better. Thanks for being so supportive, I really appreciate it. Ha.

I feel relieved, to finally be able to talk about it with someone who understood.
I hope things won't be awkward between us.

I hate hate hate hate

how I still think about you sometimes.

- Sometimes I just don't feel like I'm good enough. More and more often. And it bugs me.

- My math homework is not done.

- I'm behind in school work.

- I'm kind-of sad that I'm getting replaced in marching band.

- Why do my friends never tell me anything anymore..

- We've become a lot closer lately. & I like how I can just be myself around you. I never have to worry about you judging me. You see a side of me that a lot of people don't.

- I'm a jerk, and I'm sorry.

- I really wish I could drive & not have to ask my parents to drive me everywhere.. lol

- I miss you.

Some times we're close, some times we're not. It's hard for me to figure out where our friendship stands.

Homecoming.

I feel like quite a few of my friends have either gotten asked or have asked someone to homecoming this year. I'm okay if I don't go, because it's only junior year. I can still go next year. But still, I do feel a little sad, not gonna lie LOL.

Ohoho.

Yesterday I visited my friend, whose been gone from school for the past three weeks. It was nice to see her, and I'm glad that she's okay. It felt good to just chill & catch up with one another. It was a good day. :)

But now I have a ton of homework to do, and I really don't feel like starting it. Sigh. I'm behind my school work, and today was supposed to be the day I got caught up with everything. I've already been forgetting to do homework assignments & been slacking off. Hopefully I'm just in a weird slump & I'll get back to my normal self soon.

My mom thinks I have a boyfriend because I've been going to marching band rehearsals. Sad life. LOL

It's hard to find geniunely kind people nowadays. It just seems like everyone's so caught up with their own things, that they only think about themselves. I know we all have to look out for ourselves, but a lot of times I just wish that we were more conscious of others and weren't so focused on ourselves. I feel like I've been like that lately too. I've been too busy trying to accomplish my own things, but have forgotten about those who have always been kind to me. I feel like I've changed as a a person. Makes me a bit sad, really.

Plans for the weekend.

Sunday:
- Finish math homework
- Read Ch. 1 for APUSH
- Vacuum
- Practice
- Finish 2 articles

Monday:
- Attempt to finish another 2 articles
- Finish whatever left-over homework I have
- Hopefully go shopping.

Yep. Doesn't seem like I'll be going out that much on weekends. oh well. Junior year, BRING IT ON.

No slacking off this year.

Have to stop procrastinating & being lazy. I feel like there's so much to be done. I kind-of wish it was still summer, so I wouldn't have to worry about school.

I feel like

growing my hair out again. But at the same time, my long, thick hair felt too heavy & was annoying to deal with. Hmm. I don't know.

Need to learn how to manage my time better.

HAHAH

sillysrilankan: i remember i had this picture
sillysrilankan: where i was wearing sunglasses
sillysrilankan: and put something on it
sillysrilankan: saying
sillysrilankan: "CAUTION" VERY HOT"

I finally got my AP scores.

After waiting for almost two months. -_____- But on the bright side, I passed both of my exams with a 4! :) Surprising, since I did not study for world history at at all & my essays sucked, lol. I guess I'm just lucky? hahah.

Got stung by a bee today. -____- Didn't hurt as much I thought it would, but I have no mercy now. ALL THESE BEES IN MY HOUSE MUST DIE.

Dizzy.

Almost blacked out this morning. I don't know what's wrong, but I hope it goes away soon.

Too much.

Sometimes I feel like there's too much pressure to be perfect. Nowadays you're expected to have perfect grades, get into a good college, be athletic, musically-talented, pretty, popular, etc. I don't think I can be all of those things. & sometimes it does make me feel like crap, makes me feel average. I guess the pressure will motivate me to do more with my life.

Omg, why am I such an awkward person? ): bleh.

Things that bother me -

- Having cramps
- the Vegas heat

Ugh. Why is this so difficult? I don't quite get it myself..

City Hunter. T_______T

I hate this.

I hate how you dont believe in me. That's what bugs me the most. If I'm willing to get better, if I'm willing to put in the effort, why won't you let me be? I know school will always be my top priority, but you have to understand that I have other priorities too. I can handle this, & I WILL prove you wrong.

That awkward moment when you have an embarrassing zit on your chin, & it won't go away. -____-

Impatient

Still waiting for AP scores. My mailman must hate me. D:

Okay FML -____-

I wish I knew what your intentions were. Right now, it doesn't feel like a choice. In a way, it feels like you're forcing me to do this. But I guess I'll do what you want because I don't want to seem incapable.Hopefully everything can be straightened out tomorrow. I just hope that you're doing this for our benefit, not just for your own. Please, don't let us compete if we're just going to embarrass ourselves. I know I've already had my opportunity, & I thank you for giving me that chance. I know I should trust you, but something doesn't feel right about this. Are you setting us up for failure?

Too much has gone wrong these past few days.

Thank you, for always putting a smile on my face & being there for me.

What am I doing with my life? ): Sigh.

Last day of school

BLOGSPOT!
Man, I feel like I haven't posted anything in a while. Good to be back. (: I'm about to leave for vacation for a couple days, so I thought I'd just blog about different things that have been on my mind lately.

- Man, I was really lazy during exams. LOL
- I hope I can sign up for driver's ed online when I come back from vacation.
- I haven't really practiced this week. Yeah.. But it's okay, this summer I'll practice a lot. :) Oh & it's time to work on our duet repetoire again
- Today was a good day. X-Men was good, & it was fun chlling with friends
- I have 35 $1 bills on my desk. xD
- Last-minute packing, sigh.
- HOSA Nationals coming up, & I haven't studied at all yet. Uh oh, I feel like I've forgotten everything already.
- But yippee, I get to go to disneyland!
- I want to get in shape this summer. For reals. (x I think I'm gonna try taking morning jogs from now on, after vacation.
- I also want to volunteer at a hospital this summer. That is, if I have a ride.
- Start studying for SAT's? Haha. I should.
- Okay, I really need to learn how to cook before I leave the nest, hahaha.
- Face keeps breaking outtt
- Oh, & one last thing. My friend Wesley is always super cool and nice, & we will hang out this summer and have fun. (: <3

Please let me have straight A's this semester. T___T
I can't lose my valedictorianship LOL. Not yet. I'm only a sophomore.

16th birthday.

I was sitting in my ap bio class today, and I seriously asked myself what day it was. Then I remembered, it's my birthday, & it hasn't even sunk in yet. I'm 16. I feel.. old. There's so much more I want to accomplish befor I turn 18, & it feels like I'm running out of time. Soon, I'll be graduating & going off to college. The thought of It makes me sad.
But, on a brighter note, I really am thankful for all my friends & family & everyone who wished me a happy birthday today. I didn't feel like such a wallflower. Hopefully this will be a good year! :)

No motivation to do anything.

I don't feel like studying, I don't feel like finishing my homework either. Sigh, it's just one of those lazy days.

Why can't we just be on okay terms with each other? I mean, really, is that so hard?

-__-

Why are you such a spoiled brat. T__T

Things keep piling up & I haven't been able to manage my time wisely. At the end of the day, I feel unaccomplished, & I tell myself that I'll get everything I need to get done tomorrow. But the problem with that mindset is that there will be even more to do tomorrow, & it'll be harder to get it done. Lately, I just feel like I haven't been giving my all, I haven't been trying hard enough. & it makes me wonder why I'm like this. April has not been a good month. Hopefully May will be better.

Menstrual cramps, ow. ): I wish I was better at tolerating pain, but no, I'm a wussy. T-T I feel too uncomfortable to really get anything done. But I guess I should start on homework.. Man, I hate this time of the month.

AP Exams

Are AP exams really in 2 weeks? Time goes by so fast. I feel like I'm not ready at ALL. I'll have to do some MAJOR cramming. I'm really just hoping I don't get a 1 on world history..

Omg

About to rage-quit on my APWH history. -_____________-
I want to push my teacher off a cliff right now LOL

Watched Mulan today. <333 Should have been doing my homework, but oh well. It was an hour & a half well spent.

Played COD for the first time yesterday. It was okay I guess. It'd probably have been a lot more fun if I wasn't a total noob, hahaha. Is it strange that I never grew up with video games?

Best Buddiesss

I love talking to you. I wonder what you think of our friendship, because I actually consider you one of my close friends. Thanks for putting up with me, haha.

No matter how long wé haven't talked, I will never hold a grudge against you. & even though you don't realize it, I will never stop caring for you.

World history is a pain.

In the morning

I'm gonna be really sleepy tomorrow morning, I already know it. I wonder how I'll be able to wake up. T-T I've come to realize, in high school, you never get enough sleep. I probably wouldn't be this tired if I wasn't sick, but whatever. I'll deal, I guess.

I don't understand teachers sometimes. Why is an 8 sentence short-answer essay worth 100 points? I guess I'm just peeved because I haven't really been sleeping that much lately. Sigh, I didn't know there'd be this much to do fourth quarter.

HOSA

It was a good experience. Me & my partner, miles, were able to win gold in CPR/First aid. I'm happy, but at the same time, it was something I really wasn't expecting. When I first walked into the testing room, I was worried that we wóuldn't be able to place, because there were 15 other teams that we had to compete against. Most of these teams came from CTA's, where they actually had medical classes for cpr/first aid. It was our first year in this event, and I'm happy we could do it. We had to learn how to do all of it by ourselves. But that didn't matter. I think it was actually to our benefit that we never took any classes on CPR/first aid, because some of the other teams we were competing against thought that they could just wing it. I guess that's a lesson learned, you can't get too cocky.

Now we're moving onto nationals, and I just have to say, thanks to my amazing partner. I'm proud of us. (:

I don't understand why people feel the need to point out other people's insecuirities. It's just really insensitive. -_____- Thanks for lowering someone's self esteem.

Things to do:

- Finish notes, questions, & essays for Ch. 20 WHAP packet
- Write Huck Finn essay
- Group project in am lit
- Finish pictures & film for ap bio project
- Trig homework
- Study procedures V-VIII for HOSA
- Read BLS, take notes, study more
- Practice, learn Rondo Allegretto

Crazy weeek ahead of me.

A lot of things on my mind lately.

- I should forget about you.
- If I don't study tonight, you'll be mad at me tomorrow.
- My projects are due on Tuesday and Wednesday. Time to cram.
- HOSA this week. Even more cramming.
- I feel bad whenever we don't talk.
- I should really get my permit soon.
- I don't know why you decided to remodel our front yard,
- I'm grateful that you don't get annoyed at me when I ask for your help.
- Sorry for being needy.
- It's late and still so much to do.
- Good night, blogspot.

Why am I still procrastinating.

Saturdays = procrastinate
Sunday afternoon/night = Cram.

Grr

Why is it so hard to find original music nowadays? T-T Festival's in 2 days & I can't find a place sells the original for my piece. And this isn't the first time this has happened, either. Blah, I don't know what I should do. I wish Brahm's Rhapsody in G minor would drop out of the sky & land in my hands. But that's unrealistic. ):

Thinking.

I wanted to thank my friend in math class the other day for always helping me with my homework, but for some reason I guess I couldn't say it. I tried to tell him, but I got embarrassed & told him nevermind. I wonder why I have such a hard time expressing my feelings.

I love Sparknotes. <3 Currently doing my concept folder on the French Revolution, & I was surprised to find that there was actually a lot of information abou it on SparkNotes. I wonder if my teacher would accept it as a credible source.. But whatever, I'll just use it anyways. (x Back to my project! Hopeufully I will sleep before 2 tonight.

o___O

I don't get how people can have so many clothes. Some of my friends seriously never wear the same outfit twice. It just puzzles me, how much money of your parents' money, do you spend on your clothes?

Facebook

I've had facebook for like 2 months now & i've literally done like nothing on it LOL. Well whatever, haha. I guess I'm not that into social networking?

Ahh,

I hope tomorrow will be a good day.

You can always make my day better, even though you probably don't know it. Thank you for making me feel not so ordinary.

I have a feeling

that things will change, very soon & very much so. I don't know if it'll be a good thing or a bad thing, but I guess I'll just have to wait it out & see..

But on the bright side, my orchestra teacher told me I could play piano for chamber next year, and that he would try to make sure that I'd get into 5/6 orchestra. Hopefully things will work out & my schedule won't conflict with anything. Ahh, which reminds me, senior year seems like it'll be really depressing LOL. I don't like to think about the all the AP classes I'll have to take. Not to mention the college apps I'll have to fill up. Yeaaahh.. Not fun.
& on a side note, my friends' combined sweet 16 will be next weekend. I'll be looking forward to that. (: Hopefully this will be a good week? (x Hahaha.

Doing homework.

I guess I'll be staying up late tonight. Hmph, I knew I shouldn't have napped today. ):

My showertime is usually when I think about things. & while worrying about which classes I should be taking, I wondered if you would still be in my classes next year. I know, it's strange that I still think about you sometimes. But anyways, I was thinking about how disappointed I'd be if you were in my classes & still decided to ignore me. It got me thinking, why couldn't you have just put everything that happened between us behind you? Why couldn't everything have been okay between us? After I asked you to Sadie's, I really didn't care anymore. What if we're stuck with each other for the next two years, & things don't change? We could have still been friends, but I guess not since you didn't want to. If you didn't want me in your life, then that's okay. It actually wasn't fine, but I'd rather say that it was because it's a lot easier for me to be indifferent than to keep getting rejected by you.

After getting

my PSAT scores, I've started to think more and more about college. I scored a 174/240, which is okay I guess. But I started wondering to myself, if I'm having trouble with the classes I'm taking now, how would I ever survive at college? I've always dreamed of going out-of-state to a really nice university when I got older, but now that I think about it, I know that it's really quite far-fetched. There's a reason why those universities are so prestigious, it's because only the nation's BEST goes there. I doubt that I would qualify for that. Ever since high school, I've come to realize that I'm not actually all that smart & that I do slack off or bs my homework assignments some times. It's disappointing, but that's just reality. I'm definitely not going to stop working hard in school, but I guess this is just something I should keep in mind from now on. I shouldn't get my hopes up.

I wish I could have seen the guest conductor today in orchestra.
I heard he was cute. ): & that he had a british accent! Oh darn, hahaha.

Tired,

But I'm hanging in there.
Disappointed in you & a bit confused, but doing okay.
Things will be okay if I think they'll be. (:

Time to get productiveeee.

My time management skills suck. o___O Yeah. I'll do one more homework assignment before I sleep, since I don't want to feel stressed/irritated/screwed over on Sunday night like I usually do LOL.

Looking at certain things

Makes me realize how different we've all become. It hasn't really hit me until now that we're all going our separate paths.. & It's a strange feeling. The people we once knew really aren't the same anymore. The people that I once knew, would they surprised at how I've changed? Sooner or later, we all start to lead our own separate lives. It's intimidating to know that we're all growing up. & I wonder, as we start to become more independent and do our own things, the people that we are close with now, will they continue to be in our lives? Or will things always be constantly changing?
I don't really like to think about these type of things. I'd rather just think about the present, and what's happening now. It's not as scary.

Oh well, Too bad for me, huh?

Why don't

people take me seriously? I'm constantly overlooked for other people, and I have to wonder why that is.
I have good grades, I get straight A's. But my classmates still look down on me, & tell me that the only reason why I get good grades is because I have all the easy teachers. Did you ever stop to think that maybe I get straight A's because I work hard for them? True, my classes aren't as hard as some of my classmates are. But that doesn't that I don't put a lot of effort into school.

& another thing. I wish so much that my orchestra teacher would like me. But he barely remembers who I am. I just won a state competition, placed 3rd in regionals, & have been playing for 9 years. Yet, my teacher still has trouble remembering my name. I tell him that I'm a good pianist, & he doesn't believe me. Next year, I would like to be pianist for chamber, but I doubt he would let me. And I know it's not because I'm not good enough. I'm not saying that to be cocky, but I know that I could for sure learn the chamber pieces, and play them well.

Why don't people take notice of me? I've been a wallflower my whole life, and it does get quite tiring.

Awkward.

I've noticed that I've been really awkward lately, more so than usual. o___O
Like I'll see people that I know & not say hi to them. I find that awkwawrd, when you pass by someone & aren't sure whether or not to say hi. Maybe it's just me.. I'm a pretty awkward person.

You tell me things that I know you don't mean. I know you say those things just so you don't seem like a jerk. This time around,I knew not to expect anything. I knew that you wouldn't stick to your word. But I was still hoping you would.

Why.

Why do I even try? ): I guess I'll never learn, huh? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Sorry that I'm too stupid to realize what's actually going on. I hope you can look past this, & let us go back to how we are. Truth is, I just don't exist to you anymore. I should have accepted that a long time ago. But I was too stubborn, and I'm sorry for that.

To be honest, I'm exhausted. I feel so weary. Please tell me I'll make it through this week okay.

2011.

Happy New Year! (:

I'm actually not as excited for this year. Mainly because I feel like I'm getting old, LOL. But I am excited for what this year will bring! Hopefully 2011 will be just as good as 2010. (x