I will die if I go through volleyball conditioning.

It's not that I don't want to give it a shot.
But I'm scared that I'll embarrass myself in front of everyone. I KNOW I will. It's like that sinking feeling in your stomach when you haven't prepared enough for a competition. That's how I feel about conditioning. Sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

I can't run, at all. & I have ZERO endurance. So many girls are trying out, and the chances of me making it in is nonexistant. I have no chance. I don't want everyone to know me as the girl who finished last on the track, or the girl who threw-up the first day. I really don't know.

I mean, I don't want to regret not taking the chance. But I'm too afraid. I already know I have no athletic capabilities. I just don't want all the other girls to see that, too. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused.

By the time I graduate,

one of my goals will be to learn how to improv/write compositions. Even if it's noob-ish. I just want to get the hang out of it, and at least start doing my own thing. I've always been classically trained. But I'd also be able to create pieces with my own thoughts & feelings. It'd be nice to be able to do both. How to get started, though? I really don't know.

Ha, I guess I can do a little bit of music by ear, kind-of. So hopefully, over time, I'll train my ears well enough, & begin to improv. Can I do it, though? Will I be able to? I don't know, but I really hope so. This is one of my big goals for the next three years.

I'm not close

to my family like most people.
I love them, but there's always been this distance between all of us. Honestly, I think we're all in our own little worlds half the time. But it's always been like that. I'd like to say that I've gotten used to it, but something tells me that it wasn't supposed to be this way.

My bestfraan

is a cutie. d;

Don't you think

I understand better than anyone else, that things are different now because you have a girlfriend ?! Of course I do. & I try to be understanding, but you can't expect me not to get hurt sometimes. Don't you think I'm allowed to be sad, because you've blown me off like 3 times now ? I know, you didn't mean to. You had other things to do. But when I tell you that I MISS YOU, and try to make plans with you, it just seems you like don't care.

What happened between us ? Just because it's summer, doesn't mean you can avoid me. School does not tie us together. Why can you be friends with everyone at northwest, but not me ? I'm trying to get close to you. But why aren't you letting me? & why, WHY do you still affect me so much ? It's like whatever I do, I can't let go of you.

Being friends was good enough for me. But now you don't even want that? I know that once school starts again, we'll be back to normal & we'll still be friends, but I won't forget what happened between us this summer. How do you ever expect me to keep in touch with you when we're out of school ?! I'm trying, I really am. But you gotta give something back, too. Don't ignore my phone calls, or IM's. Don't blow me off when I ask you to hang with me. Just stop, okay?

You still mean a lot to me. If you miss me, then please put in some effort. Please, just stop pushing me away.

I'll

still try to make this work. Don't worry, I'm not giving up on you.

TOP.

If I miss TOP class next month, I'ma kill myself, lol.

Wth, I just can't believe I missed it AGAIN. I haven't gone in like 4 freakin' months. Last month, I couldn't go, because I had an orchestra banquet that day. The 2 months before that, I couldn't go because my dad was too tired to drive me. I bet my teacher thinks I'm skipping them -___-

NEXT MONTH, On AUGUST 27TH. I'll remember. FOR SURE.
I hate skipping out on things. It just makes me feel guilty & frustrated.
Maaan, okay, I'll make up for TOP class today by practicing a lot.

Alright, I'm gonna go, bye.

I do bounce back.

I get discouraged for about 5 minutes, & after that, I'm ready to try again. I don't get down for too long.

I don't quit, either. I may get disappointed, but that's only temporarily. I keep trying until I can't anymore.

Eww

I hate stepping in dried cat vomit & hair balls.
So gross, WHY ME. D:

Ugh, I'm gonna go wash my foot.

I know

I will never meet anyone else like you.

Dear Crush,

I wonder who you are.
When will we meet? Or, perhaps, we've already met. I wonder what type of person you'll be. Will you like me, too? I wonder if anything will come of our friendship. & I wonder what I'll learn from you. I also hope that we'll become very close.

Well, I'll be seeing you in the future. I'm quite curious to see how we'll turn out.

-Brittany

I actually

have 200 posts.
I bet you didnt know that 81 of them are drafts. If you could read all of my unpublished blogs, you'd know pretty much everything that's happened this past year, and how much I've changed.

I write a lot on here, but I don't publish the things I don't want people to read. But I guess now that blogspot is dead, I don't have to do that as much. But still, I get paranoid that someone will stumble across this blog one day, & read all of my private posts.

Despite

My poor efforts, you still tried to make it work.

You were always very sincere.

I'm always

Happy to see my friends. (:

Especially if we haven't seen each other in awhile, I'll be even MORE excited. xD
I'll probably be super hyped up.

But that's just me, at my best, and at my happiest.

Should have

practiced more -___-
This week, I felt sooo unmotivated. Ugh. I wish I had had lessons last week, instead of this week.

I feel like I'm in trouble for my lesson, lol. Gotta stop being so lazy this summer, dang. That's one of the things I hate most about myself, is that I give up too easily, get too frustrated, & get lazy. Hard habit to break, but I'm workin' on it.

Please don't get mad at me, Mr. Bu (x
I'll try a lot harder this summer, PROMISE !

I feel bad

for the guys that try so hard, but just can't seem to get the girl in the end.

I guess, sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you can't make someone fall in love with you. I find that really sad.
The ones we want, want someone else.

Haha, maybe I've been watching too many dramas lately d;

Things almost never turn out the way I expect them to.

I believe

the reason why we go choose to go back to the people we have drifted from, is because we still care. Not necessarily because we NEED something from them, but because we miss them. I think it's those times when we flash back to our old memories, that we realize how much that person has impacted our lives & changed us. We want them back in our life.

So even though certain peole may get angry at the friends they used to be close
with, truth is that the still care, and that's why they're bitter about what's happened. But then again, I dunno, sometimes we're angry at people because of how they've changed. We want them to go back to how they used to be, & it's hard to accept how they are now. Or, perhaps, it is us that has changed, and we seem like we can no longer carry on the relationship we had before.

But whatever the case may be, if I still care about you now, then you still mean something to me. Even if we've drifted, if you still wanna be friends, I'll be here. That's something you don't gotta worry about.


-Sincerely, Brittany

Bye bye, mandy & alice !

Today was our last day of summer school p.e. together. D:
It was a lot of fun being with you guys, though. You made our first session of p.e. interesting; I bet we have so many inside jokes now ! (:
I like how alice always called everyone stupid, how mandy tried to give piggy-back rides around the basketball court, how we used to run around the track, how we played badminton together, how me & alice got obsessed with sally's spa, how alice GROPED me, how we watched baseball games together, & how we all had a huge water fight in the girl's bathroom on the last day. Oh heey, mandy & I got matching tans, too, LOL

I like how you guys are always so chill with everything. I feel comfortable with you two, even though you guys are super weird, HAHA.

My Clarkie SHARKIES, I hope you have a good summer ! <3

P.S. Good luck at stanford next month, alice :D