If I get rejected,

then that's okay. If you don't want to friends with me, then that's okay too. Because I know that I've done everything that I possibly could have, and that I held on until the very end. So no, I won't be bitter or angry about what the outcome will be. If you decide to reject me, I will be disappointed, but I most definitely will not be angry. In a way, I'm also doing this for my own closure.

I have to know that I at least gave this one last go before I let go.

It's annoying to have small hands. -______-

This winter break,

I've been having too much time to think about things.. LOL. Maybe it's because I've been watching some sappy Korean drama. I dunno, everything kinda feels like a dream. Nothing's really changed, but I'm starting to see things in a different light.

Watching

"You're Beautiful" right now. & omg, shin woo! ): I feel so bad for him. Why don't the girls ever choose the nice guys? Man.

I hope that you'll wait for me.

Be prepared for a surprise after you come back from winter break. (:

I'm

excited to watch my friends ask their guys to Sadie's. (:<
I want to go to Sadie's, just so I can spy on them, LOL. But I don't think I'm going this year. No one I would want to go with, hahaha. My friends keep telling me that I should ask "Dee," but I don't really want to. There's only really one person I could imagine myself going with, & I can't ask him, so that's out of the question, lol. But it's alright, I can sit this one out.

Who

wants to go to sadie's with me?! Jk, I might not go this year. I was supposed to ask Mandy, but she's asking someone else, so now I have no date, hahaha. & since there's no guy that I'd want to go with, I might as well just stay home. Hmmm, what to do..

Why do I even care? -____-

I like getting unexpected hugs. (:

Forever alone.

While I was at Spring Valley today, I saw a couple sitting together by the front of the school. Seeing as how it was really windy outside, the guy was trying his best to make sure his girlfriend wouldn't get cold. He put his arms around her and hugged her real tight. At first, I thought, "AW, so cute!" But nöw, I get the feeling tat I'm gonna be forever alone. T-T

Sometimes, I just wish I had someone that I could be with.

Sometimes

I can't help but stare when you come my way.

Newest trend this year: Dark circles.

Hello.

I wish you'd tell me that it's all okay

Something about the way you look at me - Baby, it's hard to go.
If you really want me to stay, why don't you let me know?

Hello, hello, everytime when you pass me by
Hello, hello, it's breaking my heart, yeah
Hello, hello, I'm taking a chance and I'll let you go.
Who knows, maybe we'll be something more than this.

Flowers.

Today, my school was selling flowers, $1 for a bunch. Waikei & I noticed how pretty these flowers were as we walked past them, and we felt like getting some. I saw these red flowers that I really liked, so I asked Waikei if I could have them.

Well, a couple minutes after I got the flowers, I realized that I could probably make someone's day by giving them away. I decided giving the flowers to my friend, but he ended up losing them by the end of the day. And, when I was giving him the flowers, a whole bunch of my friends crowded around & said, "AWWW."

I really hope I didn't give him the wrong impression. It was an act of kindness, and I'm just hoping he didn't misinterpret it.

I like you, but not in that way.

I want to know

if we'll ever be friends again.

I feel so defeated.

Today, my best friend and secret love of nine years broke up with his girlfriend.

They had been dating for three years but he said he couldn't go on being with her because he was in love with another girl. When I asked him who it was he said "Hold on." and took out his phone. A minute later I got a text.

It said "You."

- That's so cute. (:
I love LGMH, hahaha.

MTNA.

Me & sharon are representing nevada at southwest regionals for senior piano duet.
We placed first at the state conference. I'm still so surprised.

I'm happy, because our hard work DID pay off. But at the same time, I feel guilty, because I know the other duet group was more skilled than us. I wonder why it turned out this way. But we were given this opportunity, so let's make the best of it.

"Brittany, you're so chinky."

I always get teased because of my eyes. I know it's not that big of a deal, but after hearing it so many times, I'm starting to get self-conscious. Whenever I see myself in a picture, the first thing I notice is how chinky I am. I mean, I've always KNOWN that I've had small eyes, but it didn't really bother me that much before. Am I really so chinky that people have to point it out all the time?

This has been bugging me for a while, & I feel better now that I've gotten that off my chest.

I got about

an hour & a half of sleep last night. Or, rather, this morning. I was somehow able to stay awake during school. O__O

Busy day tomorrow. Better sleep "early."

You jerk.

Studying for

PSAT's & math test. ):
Sleep. I want sleep. I never get enougn sleep nowadays.

I feel the need the push myself.

You're only young once, right? Now is the time to work hard. I don't want to regret anything. I don't want to look back at my teenage years & realize what a waste they were.

DBQ's.

Craxiceanlandylo (10:47:48 PM): Dude, I was looking up the ap essays online
Craxiceanlandylo (10:47:52 PM): & the average score is 2
Craxiceanlandylo (10:47:55 PM): out of 7
Craxiceanlandylo (10:47:56 PM): LOL
strings (10:47:59 PM): D:
strings (10:48:01 PM): oh no
strings (10:48:10 PM): well duh they give us 3 essays in what 2 hours?
strings (10:48:24 PM): this ONE essay probably gonna take me 2 hours
Craxiceanlandylo (10:48:33 PM): True dat.

Ugh. I need to get started on my essay. -___-

October.

My life - homework & piano. Lool, not even kidding. I go to music & arts like 3/4 times a week now. o___o
& I don't go out anymore, because I have too much homework.. LOL. I don't mind, though. It's nice being productive.

Sorry I'm such an awkward person.

So today, at RTC

We were all standing in a huge "line" to get our food. When I say "line," I mean mosh pit. LOL. Well, anyways, we were all crowded together for 40 minutes, waiting for the food to come. It was super uncomfortable and sweaty. Oh, ¬ to mention that everyone was invading my personal space. (x
Well, anyways, right when the food came, I dropped my plate on the floor. & since there were no more plates, I figured I'd just eat off Ashley's plate.

But instead, this guy from A-tech picks my plate off the ground, & gives me his. When I tried to tell him that he didn't have to, he just smiled and said that he didn't mind.

The kindness of strangers can make my day. It's the little things that count to me.

Tomorrow

is RTC & pre-MTNA performance. Lol, I dislike clashing events.

When will we stop being so stubborn?

I always end up feeling guilty whenever this happens. It's impossible to stay mad at you.

All you have to be is yourself.

Jan Di: Why me? I am not pretty, I don’t have money or status. I have nothing. Why did you like me?
Jun Pyo: Because I have all that. Money, status, and looks. I have all that. I don’t need that from you. Geum Jan Di, all you have to be is to be yourself.

I don't like to watch dramas that much, but I found this quote on tumblr, & felt the need to reblog it. (x

What am I doing?

I'm selfish & I hate it.

MTNA

IS STRESSING ME OUT.

I still feel the same as I did a few months ago.

I'm just a lot better at hiding it nowadays. You'll never notice, promise.

Dear NP,

We'll make it through this year okay. I know we will. We just have to hang in there, okay?

We might not talk as much as we used to. But to me, we'll always have that same connection. You're still my best friend. I think our friendship has endured a lot, and that's why we've been friends for so long. Our friendship has changed, maybe in ways we didn't want it to. But in a way, it's still the same. We're always comfortable around each other. Well, unless one of us gets mad around the other, HAHAHA. We always pick up where we left off. & that's why, I feel like we'll be able to stay friends for a long time. I see us as making it through high school as best friends, maybe even college. My mom asked us if we considered going to the same college, & I don't know, maybe we will. It's unlikely, but maybe we will. You never know, right?

I mean, yeah, people change, and we all seem to drift a bit, sooner or later. But this past year, I've realied how unbreakable we are. & that's why I believe, you are one of those few people who I can always be friends with.

Things change. But I believe that some things never do.

Homework.

I have homework in almost every class I have.

& I barely understand anything in AP bio & algebra right now. Ugh, man. It's only the 3rd week of sophomore year, & I'm already struggling with my homework. & All these weekly quizzes are probably gonna make my grades drop. And I already have a B in World History right now !

Biology, I guess I'm alright at. But math, I just suck at math. -______-
I hate math.

To be honest,

I was hoping that if I asked you enough, you'd tell me that you'd stay with me for a bit longer.

Park Social.

Attitude check: We love key club !

Today was fun. Even though I didn't get to do anything for the first hour, LOL. Next time, I'll know not to wear sandals. Looking at the picture we took today, I realize how HUGE our key club is. Like, daaaang, it doesn't seem like that many people when we're all out there. (x

Towards the middle, all the sophomores grabbed water guns/water bottles & attacked the freshmen. They should have saw it coming (:<
Finally matched with tomas, for once. It only happens when we don't plan it. -____-
& we finally hung out with each other after allll this time. We watched people fight with fake swords, lol.

& on a side note - I wish I could have gone to the quinceanara yesterday. It seems like everyone had fun. If it hadn't been so far away, I probably could have gone. ):

I hate

feeling like this. Looking back on my own mistakes are the most painful.
& Seeing how things have turned out because of my actions fill me with regret.
I don't believe in myself anymore.

I fail at math & guys.

It's the

little things that count. (:

We are impossible.

Nothing ever seems to work out for us.

Worried.

Kay, this will be a really random post. (x

Man, there are so many things on my mind. School's starting in a few days. Summer's ending. MTNA's coming up in a few months. I need to memorize my Haydn piece & work on my Chopin. I need to wash my cat, LOL. Lessons are on Monday. I need to go buy jeans. What should I wear on the first day? My plants are dying. I should get a haircut.

& I have a really ugly tan line, HAHAHA.
Alright, I'm done.

Hm,

Two is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls

Now doesn't this song bring up memories?

I've noticed.

My blog has a lot of grammatical errors, because I type whatever comes to my mind & don't bother to proofread it. xD

I feel like I should go back and edit some of my blogs now, hahaha.

Friend-hopping.

I do not approve.

I've noticed that a couple of guys that have 'liked' me would friend-hop. They would have a crush on my best friend before/after they would 'like' me. & I guess I never realized how much it bugged me until now. I had a feeling that those guys didn't actually like me. I feel like they just wanted to be in a relatonship, so they tried to go for me right after things didn't work out with my best friend. Seriously now. Are you THAT desperate to be in a relationship?! Was I just a rebound or something to you?

I mean, I guess some guys don't realize they're doing it. But that doesn't make it right. & besides, friend-hopping will change what people think of you. They might think you're trying to get at everyone. o__o

But in a way, I do feel bad for those guys. I just wish that they knew ahead of time that you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy.

09-10 Dances

Forthcoming - Boring. It was nice seeing my friends, but I didn't know most of the people there. The school & decorations were nice, but it wasn't exactly an exciting dance. (x

Sadie's - I'd actually consider this my favorite dance. It was fun, even though we didn't match at all, HAHAH. It was my first time slow-dancing. Ha, I still remember what song it was, too. I was a bit confused why you left me at times, so I got a little down. But at the end of the night, you called & told me why.

Aloha's - Eww, LOL. My least favorite. It was just like too much stuff happening at the same time o___o. Like how awkward it was with the person I went with, & how my friends kept leaving me. Oh, and I also didn't like how I had to reject your offer to dance with me. -____-
And I somehow ended up taking the Aloha picture with Carl. Strange, strange things happened that night.. But I did find it sweet how you gave me your jacket at the end of the dance & tried to help me. Besides that, though, I didn't really enjoy Aloha.

Well

"I'll just call her/him tomorrow."

That gets me into a lot of trouble.. LOL.
I can't believe I procrastinate, even when it comes to calling people -____-''
I got issues, lol.

Forget this.

I'm tired of moping around. I'll just call you, to put my mind at ease. -____-
I doubt you'll pick up, though. You probably don't care.

I got

a blister over a blister. Eww, haha.

Lol. (x

Coach: Keep your eyes open when you're serving the ball.
B: .. My eyes were open. Am I really that chinky?
Siyi: HAHAHAHA!

One day.

Today was my first day of conditioning. & I almost died, HAHAHA. I haven't thrown up.. yet. But I have a feeling I will tomorrow.
I'm so tired. I'm afraid that I'll be all sore in the morning. I dunno if I can last through tomorrow -___- How sad, I'm so weak, LOL.
My left forearm has purple & blue blotches/bruises all over it. It hurts. (x
I can't complain though, cause Miles' arms are waay worse. Ouch.
I won't make the team. So what's my back-up sport? I really don't know.
I'm like the worst sophomore there. Ugh. That's to be expected, though.

I'm just hoping I'll make it through tomorrow okay.. xD

Alright, I'm tired. Bye.

I will die if I go through volleyball conditioning.

It's not that I don't want to give it a shot.
But I'm scared that I'll embarrass myself in front of everyone. I KNOW I will. It's like that sinking feeling in your stomach when you haven't prepared enough for a competition. That's how I feel about conditioning. Sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

I can't run, at all. & I have ZERO endurance. So many girls are trying out, and the chances of me making it in is nonexistant. I have no chance. I don't want everyone to know me as the girl who finished last on the track, or the girl who threw-up the first day. I really don't know.

I mean, I don't want to regret not taking the chance. But I'm too afraid. I already know I have no athletic capabilities. I just don't want all the other girls to see that, too. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused.

By the time I graduate,

one of my goals will be to learn how to improv/write compositions. Even if it's noob-ish. I just want to get the hang out of it, and at least start doing my own thing. I've always been classically trained. But I'd also be able to create pieces with my own thoughts & feelings. It'd be nice to be able to do both. How to get started, though? I really don't know.

Ha, I guess I can do a little bit of music by ear, kind-of. So hopefully, over time, I'll train my ears well enough, & begin to improv. Can I do it, though? Will I be able to? I don't know, but I really hope so. This is one of my big goals for the next three years.

I'm not close

to my family like most people.
I love them, but there's always been this distance between all of us. Honestly, I think we're all in our own little worlds half the time. But it's always been like that. I'd like to say that I've gotten used to it, but something tells me that it wasn't supposed to be this way.

My bestfraan

is a cutie. d;

Don't you think

I understand better than anyone else, that things are different now because you have a girlfriend ?! Of course I do. & I try to be understanding, but you can't expect me not to get hurt sometimes. Don't you think I'm allowed to be sad, because you've blown me off like 3 times now ? I know, you didn't mean to. You had other things to do. But when I tell you that I MISS YOU, and try to make plans with you, it just seems you like don't care.

What happened between us ? Just because it's summer, doesn't mean you can avoid me. School does not tie us together. Why can you be friends with everyone at northwest, but not me ? I'm trying to get close to you. But why aren't you letting me? & why, WHY do you still affect me so much ? It's like whatever I do, I can't let go of you.

Being friends was good enough for me. But now you don't even want that? I know that once school starts again, we'll be back to normal & we'll still be friends, but I won't forget what happened between us this summer. How do you ever expect me to keep in touch with you when we're out of school ?! I'm trying, I really am. But you gotta give something back, too. Don't ignore my phone calls, or IM's. Don't blow me off when I ask you to hang with me. Just stop, okay?

You still mean a lot to me. If you miss me, then please put in some effort. Please, just stop pushing me away.

I'll

still try to make this work. Don't worry, I'm not giving up on you.

TOP.

If I miss TOP class next month, I'ma kill myself, lol.

Wth, I just can't believe I missed it AGAIN. I haven't gone in like 4 freakin' months. Last month, I couldn't go, because I had an orchestra banquet that day. The 2 months before that, I couldn't go because my dad was too tired to drive me. I bet my teacher thinks I'm skipping them -___-

NEXT MONTH, On AUGUST 27TH. I'll remember. FOR SURE.
I hate skipping out on things. It just makes me feel guilty & frustrated.
Maaan, okay, I'll make up for TOP class today by practicing a lot.

Alright, I'm gonna go, bye.

I do bounce back.

I get discouraged for about 5 minutes, & after that, I'm ready to try again. I don't get down for too long.

I don't quit, either. I may get disappointed, but that's only temporarily. I keep trying until I can't anymore.

Eww

I hate stepping in dried cat vomit & hair balls.
So gross, WHY ME. D:

Ugh, I'm gonna go wash my foot.

I know

I will never meet anyone else like you.

Dear Crush,

I wonder who you are.
When will we meet? Or, perhaps, we've already met. I wonder what type of person you'll be. Will you like me, too? I wonder if anything will come of our friendship. & I wonder what I'll learn from you. I also hope that we'll become very close.

Well, I'll be seeing you in the future. I'm quite curious to see how we'll turn out.

-Brittany

I actually

have 200 posts.
I bet you didnt know that 81 of them are drafts. If you could read all of my unpublished blogs, you'd know pretty much everything that's happened this past year, and how much I've changed.

I write a lot on here, but I don't publish the things I don't want people to read. But I guess now that blogspot is dead, I don't have to do that as much. But still, I get paranoid that someone will stumble across this blog one day, & read all of my private posts.

Despite

My poor efforts, you still tried to make it work.

You were always very sincere.

I'm always

Happy to see my friends. (:

Especially if we haven't seen each other in awhile, I'll be even MORE excited. xD
I'll probably be super hyped up.

But that's just me, at my best, and at my happiest.

Should have

practiced more -___-
This week, I felt sooo unmotivated. Ugh. I wish I had had lessons last week, instead of this week.

I feel like I'm in trouble for my lesson, lol. Gotta stop being so lazy this summer, dang. That's one of the things I hate most about myself, is that I give up too easily, get too frustrated, & get lazy. Hard habit to break, but I'm workin' on it.

Please don't get mad at me, Mr. Bu (x
I'll try a lot harder this summer, PROMISE !

I feel bad

for the guys that try so hard, but just can't seem to get the girl in the end.

I guess, sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you can't make someone fall in love with you. I find that really sad.
The ones we want, want someone else.

Haha, maybe I've been watching too many dramas lately d;

Things almost never turn out the way I expect them to.

I believe

the reason why we go choose to go back to the people we have drifted from, is because we still care. Not necessarily because we NEED something from them, but because we miss them. I think it's those times when we flash back to our old memories, that we realize how much that person has impacted our lives & changed us. We want them back in our life.

So even though certain peole may get angry at the friends they used to be close
with, truth is that the still care, and that's why they're bitter about what's happened. But then again, I dunno, sometimes we're angry at people because of how they've changed. We want them to go back to how they used to be, & it's hard to accept how they are now. Or, perhaps, it is us that has changed, and we seem like we can no longer carry on the relationship we had before.

But whatever the case may be, if I still care about you now, then you still mean something to me. Even if we've drifted, if you still wanna be friends, I'll be here. That's something you don't gotta worry about.


-Sincerely, Brittany

Bye bye, mandy & alice !

Today was our last day of summer school p.e. together. D:
It was a lot of fun being with you guys, though. You made our first session of p.e. interesting; I bet we have so many inside jokes now ! (:
I like how alice always called everyone stupid, how mandy tried to give piggy-back rides around the basketball court, how we used to run around the track, how we played badminton together, how me & alice got obsessed with sally's spa, how alice GROPED me, how we watched baseball games together, & how we all had a huge water fight in the girl's bathroom on the last day. Oh heey, mandy & I got matching tans, too, LOL

I like how you guys are always so chill with everything. I feel comfortable with you two, even though you guys are super weird, HAHA.

My Clarkie SHARKIES, I hope you have a good summer ! <3

P.S. Good luck at stanford next month, alice :D

They weren't

relapses. I like you. I still like you.

None of that matters, though. I'm just someone who has a hard time letting go.
What makes it worse is when you don't respond to my calls/texts, & I start to miss you.

You even said, you never see it happening between us.
So I should be over this, but I'm not, & I don't know why.

I honestly

don't believe anyone reads my blogspot anymore, HAHA. S'all good, though. (:
Okay, so this is what usually happens, in the following order:

1. I sign on AIM
2. I see you are signed on as well.
3. I send you an IM.
4. I wait a little bit for your response.
5. You sign off.

LOOL, WHY'S THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN? Am I cursed ? (x
I found this funny, but frustrating at the same time, hahaha.
Better luck next time !

Yeah,

I still use my blogspot.

But I made a tumblr, so if you wanna follow:
ohheeybrittany.tumblr.com

I only have 3 posts so far, but uh, I'm workin' on it!
I'll still post stuff on here, though. My blogspot will be for some of my more private/boring posts, LOL.

Okay, that's it.

-Brittany

I'm

wondering if you had ignored my call.

Well, happy birthday ! We've been through a lot this year; our friendship has had many ups & downs. There were times we didn't talk, times we didn't understand each other, & times when we both got irritated at each other.
But at the same time, there were also plenty of times we made each other happy, & that's why I believe it's all been worthwhile. When I first met you, you were just the weird kid who sat next to me in geometry. But now, you've become one of my close friends. How unexpected, right ?

I'm glad to have met you, because you are one of the people who made my freshman year great. A lot of my memories this year include you. I remember the times we went to townsquare, our walks to p.e & chinatown, solo & ensemble, messing around in ms. wong's, Sadie's, the volleyball game, spooktacular, dryland, and baking cupcakes at my house. Good times, right ? (x

You've made an impact on me, and I feel as if I've changed because of our friendship. I really hope we can still stay good friends in the future. (:
I'm looking forward to the next 3 years of high school, haha.

We haven't been talking that much lately, so I just want to say that I miss you !
Happy 16th birthday, turtle. <3

Lalala.

I should start running so I can get in shape.
Some dude was spraying water on me, mandy, & alice today while we were running on the track. How strange o__o

Ugh, I feel so out of shape. I didn't even run a full lap before I stopped running. Asdfklj, am I seriously thinking about trying out for volleyball ? I wouldn't make it. I'd probably die the first day of conditioning. But I hatee flaking out of things. I hate saying I'll try something, & end up not doing it. Isn't that what happened during Dry Land ? I quit & let myself down. I actually really regret not doing a sport this year. But then again, I wonder if I would have even made it into anything. I'm so unathletic -___-

Can I really get in shape before august ? I don't think so, but I better try harder from now on.

Man.

I wish could understand/speak Canto. -___-
It's really awkward when your cousins are over & you don't understand what they're saying.

Is it just me ?

Or does Cheng from Karate Kid look like Mandy ? o__o
Just hadda point that out.

Dad,

Happy Father's Day.

I have to say, you've always been a really good parent to me & natalie. You've sacrificed so much time & sleep for us these past 17 years, and I would never want another dad. Thank you for supporting me my whole life. & I'd have to thank you, especially, for supporting me in piano these past 9 years, too.
I admire you, because you always have a big smile on your face. You put up with my mood swings, even thought you don't have to.

You've given me & natalie a good environment to grow up in. You give us the opportunities you never had when you were our age. Even though our family has our disagreements, you've still stayed with us, to this day. Our family isn't perfect, and we have a lot of problems. But thank you for trying anyways.
Thank you for setting my standards. You taught me that I should never settle for mediocrity. I should always aim for my best, whether it be in school, piano, etc. Thank you for choosing to move to America; it must have been so hard for you to get adjusted here, but you did it for the sake of mom & us kids. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I know I haven't been the best daughter, but I'll try harder from now on. Oh, & thank you for trusting me. Thank you for believing in the best in me; you trust that I make the right decisions. I don't know what I'd do without you.

All I can really say is, thank you. I want to repay you one day for everything you've given me. You & mom can always move in with me when I'm all grown up. (:
Thanks, dad !

What ?

Me: What do guys like about girls ? & I mean like, not physical things.

Ryan: Very cliche things.

Me: Like what ? (x
Good sense of humor, smart, blah blah ?

Ryan: Oh yea, that too.

Me: Hmm, what else ? LOL, what do you look for in a girl, ryan ?

Ryan: What do I look for ? I don't, lol

Me: Really ? HAHA, it's okay. I'm not quite sure what I look for in guys, either.

Ryan: They "must be Filipino" ;D

---------------------------------------

LOL, shut up ! that's not true. (x

We

really aren't so different afterall, are we ?

Thanks budddy.

gotmoo@live.com (1:14:36 AM): he'll have you and other people
gotmoo@live.com (1:14:39 AM): and sing to him
gotmoo@live.com (1:14:42 AM): that made me feel better
gotmoo@live.com (1:14:49 AM): i'm sure you'll figure something out, brittany
gotmoo@live.com (1:14:51 AM): you're very sweet and nice
gotmoo@live.com (1:14:52 AM): (:
gotmoo@live.com (1:14:53 AM): go.

How's that for encouragement ? LOL

Last day.

Really does NOT feel like a year has passed.
Today was a good way to kick off the summer. (:

No more exams to worry about, but I have a feeling I got a 'B' on like alll of them.
Me & a group of friends went ice-skating afterwards, which was fun. (x
Once that was over, I went to naiyana's house, which was good too. I almost got enough money on fast food nation to buy onion rings, HA.

It's time to relax, until summer school starts.
I hope the rest of the summer is good, too ! Hopeufully better than last year's.
Ready for summer '10 ! :D

If only I

could have told you in person

Thank you. You are such an inspiration.

Good luck at college, I'll miss listening to you play.
You are the most talented person I've ever come across. I know you'll go very far in life.

Thanks, again. (:

Orchestra Banquet.

Pretty tired, but happy.

Ashley, Tomas, & Carl came over after school to make cupcakes.
It was fun, LOL. Our decorating skills weren't exactly the best, though.
Tomas got locked out of the house at one point too, lmao.
The banquet was goodas well. I feel like a fatty, there was too much food.
& The slideshow at the end of the banquet was touching. All the seniors were told to stand up during the awards ceremony for servicing the orchestra for four years. It'll be sad watching such talented & inspirational people leave Clark, but it's gotta happen.
Seeing the senior slideshow makes me wonder how far I'll get in the next four years. Who knows?

I like making you laugh.

Thanks!

To all my friends who told me happy birthday today. (:
& I was afraid everyone would forget, haha.

I didn't do anything today, but I think the aloha dance last night was enough to celebrate it.

The dance was kind-of weird, but ehh. Oh well, LOL.
Thank you to ashleey, who made it through the whole night with me !
& also TD for trying to help. I think I just made a new friend, too.
The school year's about to end, I should just leave everything as it is.

Some things

are still the same as they've always been.
No matter how different you think it is between two people, there are still those residual feelings they still have about each other, long after everything's been said & done. But why ?

I was speechless because those were almost all the same things I was thinking.
It IS different, but at the same time, it's actually not.

Well, it's a waiting game then, isn't it ?
But in the meantime, I'll still try my best to stay happy & keep everything in balance.

You'll always be in the back of my mind, but I'll try not to worry anymore.

hey you,

I finally found it, after all this time.
- You & I.

Let's,

get to know each other before I make any judgements.
& to be honest, this is the first time I've been asked to a dance, LOL.
So, uhh, thanks ? I usually ask the guy, haha.
Hm, feels a bit different to be in the other position.

But I've been wondering this the whole day; why me ? I'm shy, I'm awkward, I'm not funny, & I barely know you. I guess I'm the type of person who can't say 'no.' It's not a question of whether I should, but more of why I shoudn't. & it's not like I'm gonna die if I go, so I might as well.
I hope we can be friends.
Nothing more; friends. I'm sorry.

Oh, and the other thing that's been on my mind: why am I dreading to see you with your girlfriend ? I thought I was over it. These past few weeks might have changed my mind.


My theory exam's tomorrow. I'm dead.
Wish me luck d;

-__-

My computer's not compatible with anything.
Windows Vista sucks.

I want

you to tell me what's going on every now and then.

I don't want to have to squeeze it out of you; can't you just tell me ? I thought we were close enough for that. Things didn't seem okay today, & I'm sorry I kept bugging you about it, but I was really hoping you'd tell me.
I'll be there for you if you would just let me.
Besides, it's the least I owe you.

I wonder

how you feel about me.

AMSAT san diego trip.

This is a long blog. d;

Sea World -
Was our group's fun day, haha. I was with waikei, ashley, ryan, kalvin, & my cool chaperone the whole day. (:
We got super SOAKED, since we decided to take shipwreck rapids like 3 times in a row. & we also spent like $20 on some machine that was supposed to dry us off. LOLL, waste of money, dude. I was cold the entire day, because I was so darn wet.
My group was late to eveerything, so we always came RIGHT at the end of the shows xD
We went to ride Atlantis at the end, which was super fun :D We made Ryan sit in the very front seat, & he got completely soaked, head from toe, right after he got dry, HAHA. Me & waikei just laughed.
Waikei looked like she was wearing no clothes when she was wearing ryan's jacket. I don't know why, but I thought that was so funny, LMAO.

Seaport Village -
Ate dinner by the sea with a big group of people. Harrassed chris to eat with us, rofl, but he ended up ditching with ryan.
I stole your sweater since I was so cold. Sorry ! I thought about it, but nahh. I decided a no. We walked around, met at the carousel, then went to our inn. Took a shower & crashed.

San Diego Zoo -
Woke up from our really cold, ghetto inn at 6:30. Ate breakfast, then went to the zoo to get interviews from zoo keepers. Got a huge group picture, took a tour, and went behind the scenes for the elephant & giraffe exhibit. Ashley got a picture with a REAL life giraffe, haha.
Me, waikei, & alex started working on our project, which took foreeever, since we couldn't find a zookeeper. Finally found one, much to our relief, so we took some footage of the hippos in the enclosure & called it a day. We also interviewed many strangers, who knew nothing about hippos. d;
Afterwards, we bought souvenirs and got on the bus to go back home. Slept over at ashley's house, and just got back home.

Overall, good trip, I'd say (;

Basically

A bit discontent.

I spent much of my afternoon curled up on the couch. Snug under the covers, my mind began to wander, & I couldn't get you out of my head. Despite how tired I was, your words still echoed in my head, and I found it quite impossible to doze off. So there I was, thinking about you, and staring up at the clouds, laying so still I could watch them move across the sky. I thought about how much you meant to me, & realized that perhaps, you didn't feel the same way.

When you said you wouldn't forgive me, were you telling me the truth ?

I want to make it up to you; not because I feel like I have to, and not because I feel guilty. I want to make it up to you because I know what I did was wrong, and I can't stand having you mad at me any longer. So please forgive me?

Man.

I feel like such a jerk lately.

dude, what am I doing ? Why'd I take the extra credit today ?! I should have just given it to someone else. I don't even need it. & Dang, like I bet that other guy really wanted it. I'm so stupid -___- I've been so irritable with you lately, too, & you STILL saved me twice. Mormons are nice people, HAHA. I feel guilty.

And in the final round, what kind of crappy speech did I give ? I didn't even know what to say, cause I wanted that other guy to win, who actually NEEDED the extra credit.

I don't want the points anymore, give it to someone else already o_o

Haa,

I love Disney fairytales.

How am I,

always up late doing lab reports?
Taking a short break.

Yesterday, me & ashley wore matching pj bottoms for spirit week. :D
I failed my earthworm dissection, by the way. I maybe COULD have passed if I wasn't rushed at the end. Oh well, not like I knew what I was doing, anyways. At least the next dissections aren't graded, so I won't have to worry about frog, pig, crayfish, & grasshopper.
Oh yeah, and I ran into ashley at wal-mart today. What a coincidence, hahaa. I was helping her pick out febreze air fresheners. (:

This past week, I've stuffed soo much junk in my orchestra locker. So far:
- a wooden crutch
- a ukulele
- jacket, shirt, sweats, pj's
- cello, & 2 violins
- ashley's bag for swim
My lockers so big that I actually change in there sometimes (x Quite convenient if all the bathrooms are taken, LOL.

Okaay, back to work. Wish my partner could help me ):
Night, <3

I wish

I could help you. Because all the times you've been there for me, it meant so much to me. & now that you're sad, I can't even be there for you. I'm not helping, & I feel useless.

Feel better soon.

Currently

doing my lab report, which will probably take another two hours to finish.
This stinks, LOL. Oh well, not like I didn't expect this.

There are times

when I really don't like you.

Why won't you let me back into your life ? Is it so hard ?
I still feel empty at times. Maybe it'd be better if you weren't in my life anymore, either. So I don't always have to think to myself, "Oh, I hope he doesn't ignore me today." I don't have to keep beating myself up if we don't talk. I won't have to think that I'm so boring & uninteresting around you. I don't have to worry that your FRIENDS don't like me either. Wth, man. It's not hard for you at all, is it ? It's not hard for you to just look past me and pretend I'm not there. Like I never meant anything to you at all. Well, it's hard for me, loser.

I'm not sure if it's intentional, but it's really starting to get me like it did before. Spring break, I'd talk to you almost every day. What's wrong now ? Don't tell me you want to make it up to me if we don't even talk half the time. & "making it up to me." What is that supposed to mean? Be my friend because you want to, not because you feel obligated to, and not because you'd feel guilty if you weren't. Yeah, don't forget you were the one who left me. I'm a fighter, & I was willing to chase after you. But you didn't let me. It's not your fault, because things happen. I'm not mad at you for being with another girl; I'm happy you're happy. But I'm bitter because you didn't believe in me anymore. Why did we have to try to make it work ? Why's it so effortless with her ? Maybe she was a rebound, but you ended up falling for her. I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you. Sorry, I'm not trying to blame this on you.

I know you're happy right now. But I guess I'm not a part of that anymore.

Seems as if

you know everything I don't.

I'm supposed to be

performing at the US 2010 census event right now, but NO. My dad didn't want to drive me. Thanks dad d;

Yesterday, at townsquare, we did nothing. We sat around, and did nothing. We walked to borders, and did nothing. LOL, yeep that was our day ! We did end up eating at kabuki, though. & I got to see MANDY :D That made me day. Me & shawn carpooled, my mom thought he was cute and korean. xD HAHA, that made my day, too.


I am not good at hooking people up, soo that is something I will never do again. (Isn't that what I said last time? Yeahh..) I mean it this time, haha.

up & ready

to practice :D
feeling refreshed and happy.

My eyesight

is absolutely terrible.
& it's getting worse, haha. Yeah, I'm a bit worried.

Sometimes I am.

Other times I'm not.

Get it ?

Ugh.

linc2479 (11:54:09 PM): why didn't you go to sleep an hour ago??
Craxiceanlandylo (11:54:27 PM): cause I wanted to talk to my best fraaan, tomas.
linc2479 (11:54:37 PM): best frieend?
linc2479 (11:54:39 PM): PSHH
linc2479 (11:54:40 PM): wteeefff
Craxiceanlandylo (11:54:43 PM): he was too tired to talk to me last night
Craxiceanlandylo (11:54:44 PM): D:
Craxiceanlandylo (11:54:51 PM): OKAY, if you dont wanna be my bff
Craxiceanlandylo (11:54:56 PM): fine, gosh.
linc2479 (11:55:45 PM): WHAAT
linc2479 (11:55:49 PM): im just kidding
linc2479 (11:55:53 PM): I was busy
linc2479 (11:56:00 PM): Getting drunk and all thaat
linc2479 (11:56:09 PM): whyd you call me anywaay??
linc2479 (11:56:11 PM): I forgot..
Craxiceanlandylo (11:56:13 PM): today or last night ? o_o
Craxiceanlandylo (11:56:15 PM): ...
Craxiceanlandylo (11:56:18 PM): ugh, nevermind.
linc2479 (11:56:23 PM): last night
Craxiceanlandylo (11:56:26 PM): yeah, nevermind.
linc2479 (11:56:26 PM): ??
linc2479 (11:56:30 PM): wtfuudge
linc2479 (11:56:35 PM): Now I wanna knoow...
Craxiceanlandylo (11:57:12 PM): sometimes I just wanna talk to you, cause if I haven't talked to you the whole day
Craxiceanlandylo (11:57:16 PM): then it seems like we're not friends
Craxiceanlandylo (11:57:17 PM): o_o
linc2479 (11:57:49 PM): whaat?
linc2479 (11:57:51 PM): why noot??
linc2479 (11:57:57 PM): we have a lot of days when we dont talk...
Craxiceanlandylo (11:58:07 PM): yeah -__-
Craxiceanlandylo (11:58:09 PM): exactly.
Craxiceanlandylo (11:58:20 PM): i don't wanna bug you, though

I JUST WANNA TALK TO YOU, OKAY ? LOSER

I am not bitter anymore.

before spring break.

If stars would fall every time I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.

Oh heey, I like how you wore the ghetto rubber band I gave you today, & told me that it was lucky. You play volleyball better when you wear it, right ? Yeah, that made my day. (:

My best fraaan makes me laugh.
& so can my lick-ey. I like knowing I can put a smile on someone's face.

I like talking to you late at night. I hope everything's okay for you, too !

I want to get back in your life.

Tyler B,

Feel better soon !
I wish the best for you & your family. (:

St. Patrick's Day

Was a goood day, even if nothing eventful happened.
Even though my 8th period is unbelievably boring at times, sometimes I find myself laughing more in that class than I do all day. Haa, the kiddos in there are funny :D especially that one guy. I don't really talk to him, but he makes the funniest jokes, LOL. & I crack up so much when I see how denny hsu plays cello. I know it's mean, but you gotta see it, hahaa. speaking of which, I asked him to teach me a song today on piano, since all I know is classical stuff. So he showed me a pretty tune (:

Oh, and there was a model shoot going on in geometry today. tomas and chester are gay models. Coool, huh ? I asked mandy to go to sadie's with me next year, too. I'm gonna go all out for her, so she better say YES. or else she's gonna look like a jeerk in front of everyone else. Yeah, I gypped her, hahaa.

and afterwards, I went to a track meet with ryan, since he has no other friends. Lmao, jk ! he thinks I'm touchy though, LOL. pffft, yeaaah right d;
WE GOT FREE SHIRTS for helping out, xD well, I didn't get mine yet, but it's coming. I helped out with the high jump & talked to natasha, iolanda, and kerstine.
Left early to eat dinner with my aunts who are in town. Was alriight, & now I'm off to study for geometry. Bye, I hope tomorrow was as good as today ;)

Ashley,

I'm actually pretty happy at our school.
Everyone's so chill, & we're all connected to each other. We're all friends. The kids there are great, and so laid-back. Clark's not all full of nerdy geeks like you'd think, either, hahaa. I like how it's not so much a popularity contest at my school.
The discipline at our school isn't uptight, and we actually get a lot of freedom. Sure, our school's in the ghetto, we've had three fires this year, & kids steal the mirrors in our bathroom. But those things don't bother me much when I think about all the good things I've come to like about Clark.

The schoolwork is tough at times. We constantly stress about homework and projects. But we can always turn to someone to help us. We're always able to get help from others, eespecially since our school is full of freakin prodigies (x
& in fact, we have really, really good biology teachers. They actually take the time to teach us & make sure we understand everything.

Our magnet program is good. We have the resources & reputation at our school to help us get into good colleges. and there's also a TON of extra-curriculars; HOSA, science olympiad, DECA, key club, NHS, StuCo, etc. not to mention sports !

The kids in the magnet program are hella SMART, and have talent. I know a bunch of freshman who are taking Algebra 2/Trig H already. Our chamber orchestra is so amazing. & you hear so many good musicians every day. Like daang, I'm not kidding when I say sherry kim & jason gee are lengendary.

& yeah, sometimes I feel really average at my school, since everyone around me is so smart and talented. I actually like that sometimes, though, because those people make me push myself. They encourage me to do the best that I can.

I'm so glad that I was wrong for once. I thought I'd hate high school, but now I'm starting to really like it. So far, it HAS been a good freshman year.

So wait.

Are we supposed to be like best friends now ?

Uh,

Sorry, I guess I smack people too much, LOL. But HEY, if I hit you, that means we're preeetty close. (:

I wish I could wink (;

Aww, Sharon made my day !
We were walking back from lunch, & I was being all emo-like. She asked me a question I couldn't answer. After I started tearing up, she told me not to cry, and wiped away my tear. Literally. What a sweetheart <3

------------------------------------------

Wesley: What's wrong with brittany ?
Ryan: Brittany hates all ______ today.

ROFL, I did ! For reals, man. I love how you can read my mind, ryan, hahaa.

Cold Day.

Freezed my butt off today because of someone, AHEM.
Not saying it wasn't fun, but I'm surprised I'm not sick right now.

Hmm, guess I'm stronger than I thought.

LOL, I HAVE FRIENDS, GUYS. xD But yeah, a lot of people came, actually. & we played on the playgroud like little kids. I gave my sweater to shawn, but he wanted to steal it -__- Ha, isn't the guy supposed to give his jacket to the girl ?! Rofl, and we started walking around on all the tables since we thought it'd be warmer up there. Naiyana made BFFs with miles today, HAHA. Oh, Rev and his brother came, too. We're all so cool.

& we walked to McDonald's cause there was nothing else to do (x Today wasn't all thaat fun, but it was really nice to get away from everything. It was so good knowing that during that time, I didn't have to worry about crap.

then again, today just put everything on hold. Things will be stressful again, but I can't say I'm not used to it. Hope tomorrow's a good day !

Hmm,

Give & give & give. One day, there'll be nothing left.

And what do I do then ?

Idk, I already told you everything truthfully.

It's up to you, dear.

Never thought I'd get plaaayed, but I did.

Rofl.

Tyler: "WE'RE ALL IN A CRISIS RIGHT NOW.
What do I say ?! The first thing I sent her was, 'don't worry, I'm not gay.' OH MY GOSH. & then I started talking about Dear John !
I CAN'T SOUND STUPID RIGHT NOW. Maybe I should tell her that I was in choir in 5th grade. WAIT, NO, SHE'LL THINK I'M A LOSER. "

LOL, you're so funny, tyler (x
Don't freak out so much. you always get the girl in the end anyways.


Funny how I can be a good ex, but not a good girlfriend.

Should've, Would've, Could've

What went wrong ?

I want so much to give you everything. You were everything I wanted, but I had nothing to offer you.
I would give you my heart, but you already have it.

I'll admit,

I feel like a complete failure right now.
All the things I want seem to be slipping away.

So tired.

All-nighter with waikei & ashley.
Worked so long on our biology & english project O;
It was 3 a.m. before we finally headed upstairs & crashed. Only to wake up at 8:30 and start working on our projects again, asdf.
Miles came over, too, but she couldn't sleep over. We didn't get anything done while she was over, LOL. We all walked into Wal-Mart in our PJ's, cause Waikei felt self-conscious in her sweats xD

The entire night was spent painting, making stuff out of clay, cutting felt, glueing, & wondering when we'd get done. ROFL, I made romeo & juliet out of clay. Ashley's dad walks in, and says in Chinese, "Why's Juliet so ugly ?!" Lmao.
I got to say, waikei's a PICASSO. the outside of our cell box looks REALLY good, cause she painted Pooh, Tigger, and the hundred acre woods on it. I hope we get an A !
Naiyana & tyler called me, but told me to finish my homework instead -__-

And then, we made a birthday present for miles in the morning. HA, we painted a penguin on a shirt, & ironed on her name. "Hey Girl, it's your birthday. Say Aah ! " We made a hugee mess, too.

It was a productive day. Now I'm off to do even MORE homework.

Oh well, that's Clark.

& I took pictures of my projects. I'd upload them, but I don't have a USB cord for my phone.

YEAH, I'M PROUD OF THEM, OKAY ? LOL.

Oh gee.

Everything's going down the tube -__-
I miss you. I miss how my life was a few months ago.

Naiyana Puckdee:
I haven't been myself lately.
things are crazy right now, and I'm so sorry. I need some time to get my life back on track. please understand why I haven't been calling/texting you that much. I feel like that so many things are going wrong at the same time. & Of course I care about what's happening in your life. Of course I care about you. It's sad, because I don't know even know anything anymore. We need to update each other. I'll make time for you. & I'll call you tomorrow, okay ?
I miss you, best friend.

______ :
Where were you this week ? I can't complain, because it's not like I didn't do it to you before. I didn't want to say anything, since I didn't want to start something over nothing. So I just wrote you a short note.
I wasn't mad at you, I was just sad that you acted like I wasn't even there. I hated how I could be sitting right next to you, and you'd just turn the other way, not even look at me. And I know I shouldn't complain about this. I don't have the right to. But I am, because it DID hurt. I guess I'm at a loss for words. I'm sorry.


This week suckeeed, HAHAHA.

It's true,

I never want to leave your side.

So please, tell me it's working out.

Eww,

I have to say, I've changed a lot this year.
But still, there are little things that'll get me down. Make me realize that I'll never be as beautiful, or talented, or special as those other girls.
& today, I didn't cry. I didn't want to. But I knew in my heart, how disappointed I was, how much I blew it. How much I wanted to know that there WAS one thing I was good at. Because it wasn't just a competition to me. I didn't want to win first place, I just wanted to know that there was something special about me, a talent that I had. Come on, now, 8 years, and the best I've ever gotten was an honorable mention last year. & It's true, I need reassurance. I don't like admitting it. And I hold music so close to me. Because sometimes, when I put my fingers on those keys, there's no other way I can let myself go. But oh well, I'll keep trying.
You have to keep pushing yourself. Have faith, get some confidence. WORK for it, dang.

Crossing my fingers.

Can I pull this off by tomorrow ?
Ah, my reputation is at stake, haha.

Alright, I'm off.

The Perfect Guy.

I wrote this a while ago.

My Perfect Guy will, basically, be both my best friend & my boyfriend.

He'll be loveable, cute, a one-of-a-kind guy. He'll make me realize how lucky I am to have him. He'll accept the fact that I'm not perfect, but like me all the same. He sees my flaws, but helps me become a better person. He will change me in a way that no one else ever will. & He'll always be able to make me laugh, and cheer me up when I'm down. He won't think any less of me, even when he sees me at my worst. He will help me get over my shyness, and show me how to really like someone. I want him to understand my sense of humor, especially when no one else does. He'll teach me how to play football, but won't laugh at me when he sees how much I suck at it.

My perfect guy doesn't have to reassure me all the time, because he won't need to. He'll teach me to have more faith in myself. My perfect guy will have a good head on his shoulders, and tell me when I'm doing something wrong. Oh, & super smart too ! He'll be talented, & will inspire me. He won't be awkward at all. His friends will like me, and think we're the perfect couple. He'll have good style, and good taste in music. He'll let me do sweet things for me, but meet me half-way. He'll be super lame & a bit corny, but in a cute way. I'll be comfortable with him, and not so prude. We'll be able to talk to each other on the phone until we're dying, early in the morning. He'll send me texts that'll make me smile (: & I don't mind if I'm not the only girl in his life. As long as he's with me, then I'll be happy. It doesn't matter what we do together, because we'll always have fun. He'll flirt with me at the right times. He'll joke, tease me, & make me blush. He'll be satisfied just holding hands with me, & notice the little things. He'll surprise me, and keep me on my feet. He'll be sweet, and even if he won't admit it, he'd hate to lose me. He'll understand that I'm indecisive, & help me forget about my doubts in relationships.


This was supposed to be posted on valentine's day, sorry. xD

I'm a bit dazed.

Why am I so freaaakin gay ?
I wish I could be your perfect girl.

I can't believe everything you did for me. & I don't want to forget this, so I'm gonna blog about it so I'll remember exactly what happened.

You told me to come to school at 6:30. & when I got there, I saw karlo running away with a pink poster. I thought about going after him, but was too lazy xD & then, you called me and told me to meet you outside the theater. When I got there, you gave me a hug, and told me to sit down. I was shivering like crazy, cause it was so dang COLD, and I was wearing sandals. You told me to close my eyes, and that you'd be right back.

So I did as you said, and when you ran back to me, you clasped a necklace around my neck. You kissed me on the cheek, and told me to open my eyes.

And behind you, I saw a long, pink banner that said, " Will you be my valentine? " Bobo was recording us with her camera, & was holding one side of the poster, while karlo was holding the other. In front of me, you were on one knee, holding a bouquet of flowers. You gave me a big white teddy bear, and I was too shocked to do anything except give you a big hug and say thank you.

You handed me a box of chocolates, & a card with a note inside. "You taught me how to really like someone.. you can return everything if you want, but not the necklace, because my heart is there. Since you agreed to be my valentine, how about we go on a date on sunday ? " By far the sweetest thing any guy has ever done for me <3

Busy.

I'm REALLY SORRY if I haven't been calling anyone lately. I've been swimming in homework. Trust me, I'm not ignoring you. I'll call you guys when I'm not ALSKDFJOIWEU busy, okay ?

To Do:

1. Human Enzyme Catalog.
- & yes, I will be pissed off if my group doesn't do their part. Especially considering the fact that we got a 'D' on our last lab report cause they were too lazy to fix their sections o__o

2. BOLOGNINI.
- Oh craaap, I hope I'm ready by then.. I should practice after this. How awful, I was trying to play the cadenza to my Chopin piece today in 8th period, & I couldn't remember half of it.

3. Solo & Ensemble
- Ew. LOL. I'm gonna be sooo tired that day. I better not fail as an accompanist OR soloist -_-

4. Figuring out what to do for you on Valentine's Day.

5. WHAT AM I GETTING MY DAD FOR HIS BIRTHDAY ?

6. Jennifer's birthday, I hope it's fun (:

I can't wait til this week is over.

My lab report

Is gaygaygaygay. gaaaaaaay.

Ohh,

What would I do without Ryan ?
I know he thinks I'm stupid, but he really does save my butt xD
Thanks, you help with everything, literally. Homework, school, friends, & whatshisface, haha. Thaaanks, you the best (;

Okay.

I GOT THIS, YEAH.


Rofl, that's how all my pep talks go.

I got inspired yesterday, & I'm MOTIVATED. I WILL make myself work for it. Every day, all day, I'll work towards it. I hope it pays off, cause I would really love to place this year in bolognini. It would make me so proud, knowing that I actually did something worthwhile, something that I worked so hard for.

Maybe MTNA this year ? (;
Hope you're ready for it, sharon. I'll try real hard, I promise.

I always tell myself,

Oh, I'll figure it out. And that doesn't happen half the time.

I've been blind.

Because it didn't occur to me until today how nice of a guy you are.
I always KNEW, but I never expected you would do all those things for me.

Thank you, for not leaving me. Thank you for not laughing at me,
Thank you for pushing me to finish, all the way to the end. Thank you, for staying with me, no matter how embarrassed you were. Thank you, for the encouragement. Thank you, for lending me your hoodie while it was cold outside. Thank you for being so sweet to me.
& most importantly, thank you for not giving up on me.
I'm sure everyone told you to, but you didn't. You're still giving me a chance.

Heey, I'm going after you, maan.

And with all those thank you's, I have to tell you a couple of sorry's, too.

I'm sorry that I am completely clueless at times. I'm sorry that I'm so shy. I'm sorry I can't be a better girl for you. I'm sorry that I pushed you away these past few weeks. I'm sorry for being clingy, I'm sorry for being jealous. I'm sorry for not trying harder. I'm sorry for not making the first move. I'm sorry for confusing you. And I'm sorry for making things way more complicated & difficult than they need to be. I'm sorry.

I wasn't lying when I said you meant a lot to me.

Naiyana's B-Day.

I wish he came. Too bad he was at work ]:
Maybe he'll come next time, naiyana.

HAHA, it was fun. Sitting, doing nothing. Then chasing some little kids outside after watching them beat up naiyana's car. Omg, kids these days.. The kid with the hat was COOL, though. Dang, MATURE. And afterwards, we came in & ate like pigs. LOL, lasagna. & trying to all fit on the couch, watching paranormal activity, and getting bored. Finally skipping to the end, and watching the lady throw the dead body at the camera -__- rofl, fun. Cutting cake, getting to know everyone, having naiyana steal all the blanket from me. Laying on the cold floor, cause she was being mean. xD Being cold in my shorts, finally wearing ashley's dress. Trying to do my hair for the occasion, LOL. Having Tofu growl at everyone, and attack Chris twice. Watching Jennifer & Denny cuddle, aw. & laura being too scared to go upstairs by herself, haha.

Thank you, for inviting me. It was fun.

TGIF.

really, thank goodness it's friday.

Turn-out.

Nope, I'll try. I promise, you can count on me. (:
" Well, I-- Um-- wait, what i mean is-- No, neverm-- Actually.."

That's EXACTLY what I sound like when I stutter. & I can't believe you actually understood what I was saying throughout the entire thing. I know for a fact that I didn't. Aghh, at least things are a lot better than they were last night.

Today had it's ups, it had it's downs. And all this talk of divorce is getting to me, because I couldn't even look at you the same way anymore. The thing that upsets me, is that I keep forgiving you when I shouldn't.
Asldkfjwoaieruasdf.

Oh, and Naiyana:
You better text me ASAP after you ask him. xD
Dang, I wish I could be there ! Don't be scared, you can do this.
I want pictures, HAHAHA. & i'm excited for your birthday party !
Happy 15th birthday, <3

Its not what you think.

Feels like my heart just dropped.
You misunderstood. How am I supposed to fix this ? It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Lately,

I haven't been able to sleep, at all.
I'll go to bed, and try to fall asleep, but I can't.
I wonder why that is ? Ugh, drives me crazy. Sometimes, I wish that it'll be time for school already, so I can wake up and stop trying to sleep, because I know I can't. & I'm trying not to take a nap. By the time I'm supposed to go to bed, I hope I'll be so exhausted that I'll just pass out. Too bad I already tried that, and it didn't work. Maybe, tonight will be different.

Tomorrow's my best friend's birthday !
HAHA, she got some exciting news (;
I know you can do it ! I'm rooting for you , gurl ;D
Yeeee, I'm so happy for you, haha.


Asdfqwej. I don't know what's happening.

it's alright,

If you don't have him, you'll still have me.

Wednesday.

Ew, I don't want to be an accompanist. I'm too lazy for that stuff, LOL.
Hm, I KNEW my name would be on the list xD Oh welll , it's alright as long as I get ready for Bolognini in time ! I got a month to prepare. I CAN DO IT, HAHA.

Well, I hope so.

I deleted the pictures, asldkfjqwer. I'm becoming more forgetful by the day, seriously.

lalalaaaaa ,

24/7, 365, you're the one I need,
Baby, when the calendar pages change (;

how,

annoying. you think I'm so stupid. & I was just trying to help. Kay, thanks.

threesome.

I missed all three of us being together.
It was a good day, once school ended (:

This is my fault.

I'm sorry.

homework, again.

Biology homework bites. And the sad thing is, I have the easiest teacher right now. Oh goodness, wait til I get Mr. Miller..
Ryan better help me study in that class, seriously.
I hope I get some sleep tonight. If I get done within the next hour, I'll get about 4 1/2 hours of sleep. HA, welcome to AMSAT -__-


Anyways, back to biology homework.

not looking forward to,

school tomorrow. My grades probably DROPPED. I'm pretty sure of that.
WHY, biology ? WHY, english ? WHY, chinese ? WHY, orchestra ?!
I'm so worried, this suuucks /;

Those classes aren't even that hard. What's wrong with me ?
ASFWAOIERUA;LSKJF AWRQWER. Please, PLEASE, let me have straight A's this semester.

Re-blog,

"I was right before. Let's be friends (;
I guess I had a lapse of judgement, but I got it figured out now.
Just hoping that I don't get confused again in the future"

I wish that was still true.

2010.

Hoping for the best, & staying optimistic ! ;D <3